My Conversation with an Egyptian Taxi Driver

My car broke down and I had no choice but to take a taxi. In Egypt, we do not usually sit at the back of the cab out of respect to the driver, so I sat in the passenger seat next to him. I should have known better. This was a very long ride from Nasr City to Maa’adi and I had to put up with this man’s conversation about women, religion, and Mubarak.

He started the ride by complaining about his wife and how she uses sex to manipulate him. The man does not even know me, yet he is telling me about his sex life! He said that women are the lowest creature God ever created and he praised the prophet for asking men to discipline and punish their wives. He then spoke about the greatest danger that faces Egyptian families: the satellite channels. He was deeply concerned about movies that show men who maintain their erections for hours. He was also worried that his wife would humiliate him if she was to watch any of these movies.

The driver then spoke about religion. Interesting transition huh! He said that the prophet was very wise in allowing men to marry more than 4 wives. Wait a minute, the man cannot get it up and he wants to marry more than one woman!!! He said that every man is worth four women, so he deserves 4 women. He then spoke about what he called the “genius of Muhammad” but could not elaborate on why he thought this way about that man. I was so tempted to tell him that Muhammad’s genius lied in getting away with screwing a 9-years-old child, but I did not.

Of course, Egyptians do not know how to have a dialogue. This man was obviously giving me a lecture and was not interested in my opinion. I was so bored with him and I kept nodding my head without saying much back to him. I realized that this man’s moral development is so primitive and there was no point of conversing with him given his utter ignorance and immaturity; however, I could not help it when he started talking about Egyptian Christians. See, he is too delusional to think that I am Christian because he has no capacity of seeing anyone who is different from him, so he proceeded to talk with me assuming that I am a Muslim. He said: “Do you know why Egypt is so messed up a country?” I looked interested without saying anything. He said: It is because of the blue bones.” “Blue bones” is a derogatory term given to Christians in Egypt (Copts). The word is self-explanatory: Coptic Christians’ bones are crushed by Muslims till they became blue.” In a culture of violence where people take pride in their aggression and hostility a word like that describes the weak and the oppressed. Muslims in Egypt really take pride in crushing and humiliating Christians and using the word blue bones to describe them is no surprise!

I became interested in this shit-head and asked him “why do you think this is?” He said, “They do not pay el Gezyah.” Gezyah is a poll tax all Christians used to pay until recently. If they wanted to stay Christians they have to pay this tax. If not they were either beheaded or they were forced to convert. He said that Mubarak is a wimp for not forcing Christians to pay this Gezyah and he will die like his predecessor for not following Allah’s order to do that. As I listened to this man, my blood was boiling, but I wanted to get to my work. However, I could not help it, I decided to give him a bad taste in his mouth by saying: "You know it is sad that Mubarak does not do that but it is even more depressing that Bush is making all Arabs pay Gezyah to him." He asked: “What do you mean?” I responded by saying that Bush controls Arab oil and is taking money from Arab leaders to protect Iraq from Osama ben Laden. I looked at his eyes and he was speechless. I could also see how my words created the same discomfort that he created in me. I finally made him to shut up and his sick monologue came to an abrupt and painful end. Alas, he played a tape of the Qur’an during the remainder of the trip!